Nothing hurts quite as bad as when someone kicks you while you're down, thinking that they're helping you. And the people closest to you have the greatest potential to hurt you. Combine the two and that is a recipe for disaster.
Today, I went into a fugue state. As near as I can tell, while in this state I left for work, but instead of going to work I pulled off into a parking lot and slept. I awoke to someone pounding on my window.
It was my father, and he was pretty mad with me. I could easily tell, because he said the word "crap". While I was still trying to get my bearings, he began yelling at me. He had the audacity to remind me that I was hurting him. He said that there was no excuse, and the only answer he would accept was that I was too lazy to go to work and provide for my family.
I'm not sure how, but somehow he had gotten my keys from my car, and I couldn't just drive away. I told him to give them back. He didn't, and it was probably a good thing, as I was still out of it and trying to get my bearings. I even had the thought of forcefully taking my keys from him. He is a former prison guard, and probably sensed this, because he got real close to my door where I couldn't easily take any action.
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I stopped typing there for about an hour. I was going to call the crisis hotline, but called a friend instead. One who knew my wife was looking for me. I found out from him that my wife had received word this morning that her grandma had died. I'm not good at consolation, but I tried anyway. It's hard to be good at consoling people when you're a non-empathetic robot. Hopefully I helped. I held her while she cried for a bit. I think that helps people.
I also called my dad. As much as I want to avoid him, I'm going to face this thing head on. My family is leaving soon to go over to my parent's house, where I'll help my dad do some work. Then he and I will go to practice. We sing in a quartet together. We're both tenors, but I'm a higher tenor. It works out since our lead is a baritone. So we pitch the music lower, and then my dad sings the tenor, while I sing the baritone part an octave higher.
Keep your fingers crossed...
- Sapper Woody
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